Road to Contentment

For a long time I fought depression and feelings of worthlessness. I allowed others to tear me down and criticize me. I did what others wanted instead of what I knew was right or best for me. It took years to finally reach my boiling point. I had friends that, well, as they say, with friends like that who needs enemies? I let family members criticize and slander me. All the while I just kept trying to win them over by basically letting them control me. I let them chew me up and spit me out, bringing my son along for the ride. I dated guys that treated me like I was something they could use and throw me out with the garbage when they were done with me.

I don't know when it actually happened, but I reached a point where my life was so low I had only two options. (no, suicide wasn't one of them...thankfully I have never been tempted to take my own life as others have.) But I knew I could either stay in my condition and live in misery while watching my little boy suffer with me, or I could pull myself up and start fresh. I would have to weed out those that were unhealthy in my life. Those that wanted to see me fail time and time again. Or took pleasure in spreading a nasty rumor, just to make their own lives look better. I suddenly stopped caring about what others thought or said. I could spend the rest of my life trying unsuccessfully to convince them I wasn't the person they made me out to be. Or try to make them feel bad for how they had treated me. I had to come to the conclusion that they would never change. The only person I can control is myself, and if anyone wants to spread a lie or criticize me for something I may have done wrong, they can knock themselves out. When all was said and done, I found that I had very few people left in my life. But the ones that were left were my true family and friends. Those that loved me for who I was. Those that hurt when I hurt and rejoiced when I was happy. I consider my life so much more full now then it was when I had more people in it. I still pray for those I left behind, that they can overcome their own pain and insecurities and stop hurting others to help their own image of self worth. Because at the end of the day, they must be pretty miserable.

Somewhere, in the process of weeding out all the unhealthy people in my life, I met my husband. I was finally at the point where I knew what I wanted, or rather, didn't want. He was someone I could talk to for hours and still want to talk some more. He treated me with respect and valued what I had to say. I found myself missing him when he wasn't around. And when the time came, and someone that I had cut from my life decided to try and push back in and destroy our relationship with lies, he stood by my side because he knew me better. Without at word, he showed his faith and trust in me. We married last year and have a happy, healthy relationship. And my son finally has the dad he always wanted.

Although there are always those that try to poke their heads in and create drama from time to time, we choose to live in contentment. We don't even take the time to acknowledge someone that is trying to stir up trouble. Although, we are kind, if someone is behaving badly please don't take it personally if you don't get a response. Life is too short and precious and I refuse to waste another minute on the nonsense. I will continue to do what is right whether it offends you or not. I will love you no matter what you say or do, but don't expect me to get wrapped up in a dramatic scene with you. That's just not my thing. And if it becomes a pattern, I will regretfully let you know that there is no place in my life for someone who wants to cause grief and heartache.