Punishing Yourself

Many people that have experienced abuse in their childhood continue a pattern through their adulthood. I know you have all heard this before. Whether it be through unhealthy relationships, drugs, prostitution, attempted suicide, or eating disorders. The question is, what can you do to break this pattern? You have to find a way to build your feeling of self worth. To put the hurt, anger, and whatever else you are feeling behind you. I was fortunate enough to confront my abuser, to let him know how angry I was and how much I hated him for what he did. And through that I was eventually able to forgive and move on. But so many others don't have a way of doing that. My sister never admitted to what happened to her until years after my dad died. So now she has so much hurt and anger that she is just now dealing with but nowhere to direct it. So she directs it at herself. I watch her on her path to self-destruction and there is nothing I can do to help her. She has to help herself. We've talked about her seeking professional help. Or maybe writing a letter and then tearing it up. I even suggested that she visit our dad's grave and yell and scream and tell him how much he hurt her. And then try to let it go. But she still is not ready to take the steps, I guess. Everyone's timing is different.

So, to those of you that find yourselves in this kind of situation, remember: Every time you do something that is self-destructive your abuser is getting one more blow in. The more you hurt yourself, the more you are letting him hurt you. And the only one that can end it is you. So why not stop it now? Do you want to live the rest of your life beating the crap out of yourself? Or do you want to pull yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on to a better and promising life? Stop feeling worthless. The only one worthless is the creep who did this to you. You are a beautiful and valuable soul. You deserve better, you know you deserve better. And there are people out there that are willing and ready to help you rise up and take control of your life. It's about time you took the first step. And once you do that just keep going. One step in front of the other. You have the strength. It's there, somewhere, ready to rise up out of all your fear and doubts. Fear is a tool used to control. It was instilled in you by your abuser to control you and tear you down. Stop letting him control you. He's not worth it.