One Dad; Two Faces

Growing up, we went to church 3 times a week. The church we went to had a handful of preachers that took turns giving the sermon. My dad was one of them. I would watch him deliver the most riveting and passionate lessons. I watched everyone crowd around to compliment his lesson and look at him like he was such a great christian man. It made my stomach turn. Because as soon as no one else was looking, he took off the mask to reveal the twisted, controlling, sick person he truly was.

In the end, it all helped my spirituality instead of hurting it. Oh, I've struggled and had my times where I was pretty far from God. But I started looking for the truth on my own, without following something just because someone else told me it was right. Even in my darkest times, when I have allowed myself to stray far away from God, I look back and remember His presence when I felt completely alone. Even when I was a confused and hurting little girl, He was constantly there. I would close myself up in my room and shut the rest of the world out. That's when I felt Him the most. Just God and me. Sometimes I would be inspired to write poems, listen to music, or just stay there in silence. This was my safe place. My dad hated it. He called it my "hole". He would force me to "come out of my hole" while he sat me down in front of my mom and sisters and give a two hour lecture about my "bad attitude". I would just pick a spot on the wall and stare at it and wait for it to be over so I could go back to my room.

But I am grateful for the experiences I have had. I have been able to open up my heart and mind and listen to His true message. His message of mercy and compassion and love for all humankind. So many people get caught up in the ritual just so they can say they did their part but they completely miss the point. They miss the love part. They start to look at others like they are better or their church is the only denomination that is going to make it to heaven. But God wants us to love everyone. And we don't have to preach to everyone we meet in order to save their souls. Sometimes, by simply living by example, and showing kindness to others, that is all it takes. Preaching to people who have rejected God, especially those that have rejected God because of the actions of so-called Christians, will usually push them farther and farther away. There have been times in the workplace where others have gone off on a hate speech against Christians. And I have always let them talk and heard them out. While letting them know that I am a Christian myself. You see, the sad thing is, so many people have been surprised to hear that I am a Christian because of my kindness. There is something truly wrong with that. But after some time of treating them like they are valuable people, but never once preaching the gospel to them, they tell me that of all the Christians they've known, that I am the only one they have come across that is a "true Christian".

Too many people go to church and put on their masks. They put on their act to show everyone what a great Christian they are. But when the mask is peeled away, and the true person is revealed, those that put them on a pedestal are left dumbfounded, crushed, and angry. And a lot of them turn away from God completely. That's the kind of Christian my dad was. And I thank God every day that I was able to still find Him...or maybe He found me...in all of the ugliness and pain. So, to everyone, no matter what you believe, you are loved, you are valuable, and no one is more important than you. God loves all His children and wants everyone to come to know Him. I'm so sorry for any Christian that has ever hurt you. And I promise, it was not part of the work of God. Even if they told you it was.