STOP IT, ALREADY!!

Ok - this post is for all of you that know someone that has been through sex abuse. I need for you to listen closely. Are you telling your loved one and others that their abusers ruined their lives? Are you telling them they don't have to forgive? Are you encouraging them to hold onto hate and anger? STOP!!!! NOW!!! You may mean well but you have no idea the damage you are causing! You are holding them back from their healing process that they desperately need! I don't mean to be harsh but it seems this is the mindset of society and it needs to change!

First of all, what kind of message do you think you are sending when you say that the lives of those who have been sexually abused are ruined? Do you not know the power of words? The youngest ones especially will believe that and live their lives as though they are ruined - damaged goods! Yes - there will be scars! Yes - what happened to them is inexcusable, unacceptable, and life-altering! But the last thing they need to do is to think that somehow they are damaged or less of a person because of what happened to them. My attitude is that NO ONE can ruin my life! I will defy anyone who tries to tell me otherwise!! I am strong, confident, and courageous! There are so many beautiful things in life that I would miss if I lived my life in self-pity thinking my life is ruined!!

As far as forgiveness is concerned, you are right. They don't have to forgive. Unless they want peace and healing in their lives. If they do, then yes, they most certainly need to forgive!! Seriously?!? Why do people talk so much about the importance of forgiveness but when it comes to sex abuse all of a sudden it's not so important? Really?!? Knock it off, guys! If you want your loved ones to heal, encourage forgiveness! It will never make what happened to them okay. But it will promote healing and bring peace! Holding onto the hate and anger only keeps the abuser in control. It's as if they are being violated over and over again. Is that what you want for them?

I really felt compelled to write this because I keep hearing these statements over and over again from people that mean well. This issue is becoming more and more of a problem. We have to realize how powerful our words are and how important healing is so we can all work together to come up with solutions. So many people are being hurt by sex abuse. This needs to be handled appropriately by families and communities so that we can start making sure people are getting the healing they need and this epidemic in this country is stopped. ASAP!!!